I'm pissed...

Several years ago I planned my funeral. I know that sounds morbid to some but I didn't really think that the way that I'm remembered should be left up to someone else.

I know that what we do daily in our lives is what most folks will remember at the end. At the same time, you might just change a mind or two with a final plea! LOL...

Seriously though, I know how most people that appear in the soon to be cancelled sitcom of my life will remember me. The ones that know the superficial me will say I was an asshole. And that's cool. My friends that I have drawn into my life will remember a different person. And that's cool too. But's that not what I'm pissed about...

When planning my funeral, I chose music, pictures and even did a farewell video. I WANT the final word! Part of the music I chose was from the rock group Kansas. "Carry on My Wayward Son" was a selection as well as "Dust in The Wind".

That's what I'm pissed about! I was sitting watching TV tonight and what should play during a commercial but "Dust in The Wind". It seems that Subaru is using it for a car commercial.

Should a coffin be carried out to the melodic notes of a car commercial?
Maybe I could get Subaru to sponsor the funeral... hmmmm.
Will a coffin fit in an SUV?

Monday (evening)

Chrissy texted me that night wanting to know what I was doing. Like my life is exciting enough to ask that. I said nuttin and we went to the hangout for coffee. I was looking forward to catching up on everything with her but low and behold we ran into D in the parking lot going in.

The three of us got a table and caught up on the past few days. D has taken a new job so we don't get to see her daily anymore. It was good to see her again. Around midnight D had to go pick up her baby and with hugs said goodnight. I thought "finally" I'd get to talk to Chrissy but about 3 minutes later Lori came in.

She joined us and the drama started. It was intense for the next 2 hours. Intense to the point where I wasn't going to leave until Lori did. She needed a friend and I'm glad we could be there for her. I was digging into the brain cells for every bit of psychology that was planted there over 20 years ago. Damn, I knew that shit would come in handy someday.

At around 2 we all left. I haven't seen Lori since but did talk to her on the phone the next day. Conversations all the sudden didn't seem so overrated after all.

Monday (daytime)

Monday was a good day inspite of the fact that there was a tropical depression moving through our area. Rainy days are great for relationships and making love if you stay outside. Taking it inside makes it like any other day except there is no chance of sunlight shining through the windows.

How come sometimes in spite of everything you do, you feel like you're pissing in the wind? No matter how perfect you try to make everything, sometimes you just can't get it right.

I'm reminded of the scene in "The Green Mile" where the Chief is talking in his cell just before his execution. He asks if heaven is like the most perfect day of his life. He describes the days of his early marriage where they laid under the moon and made love all night.

Hate to pass this along to ya Chief but perfect days can't be recreated. I say this even after watching "Groundhog Day" many times over. It was estimated by the screenwriter that it took 10,000 days for him to get it right. That's 27 years and 3 months to get one day right!

With emotional factors thrown in, it would take 5 times that long to recreate it. Who has that long?

I really didn't mean...

to take this much time away from everyone. I thank my constant readers for checking in daily and feel absolutely ashamed that I've abandoned you this week. To Miss Gretchen thank you for your visits and comments. Some days it's the thing that keeps me typing away here. The brick in the face is a metaphor hon. When something comes completely out of the blue and surprises you, it's like a brick in the face.

As for the conversation I mentioned in the last post (that seems like a lifetime ago now) things did improve somewhat. But I still to this day think that a lot of times that conversation is overrated. I know its something that the female gender requires of us upon occasion. When it doesn't occur, the results are almost always bad. When it does occur, the results are sometimes bad. So I guess you're playing both ends against the middle.

Ya roll the dice, you takes your chances!